Now that you know the exciting news, I can be completely open and honest again about what’s happening out here in the middle of the Pacific for me.
This is truly an exciting time for me and I’m really looking forward to documenting the process. I plan on sharing all the details – the good, the bad, and the ugly – of being hapai [pregnant] , so if you’re not ready for too-much-information, you may want to rethink reading the pregnancy updates.
In just nine weeks, our baby has gone from being just a little cluster of cells to the size of an olive. She has gone through her embryonic phase and is now a fetus, complete with a placenta, which will supply her with lots of hormones and nutrients.
I truly don’t know where to start, aside from saying that I’m filled to the brim with gratitude, so I’ll try to split it into groups:
Mental – Three words: cloudy cloudy cloudy. Over the past few weeks I’ve gone from having razor-sharp clarity and focus to barely remembering what I’m meant to do this afternoon. [This post has taken me over a day to put together because I’m so scattered]. Oh, and have I mentioned that it’s finals week? …Yeah, I haven’t even looked at the exam or presentation I’m meant to give next week yet.
Physical – I never realized how exhausting multiplying cells in my uterus would be, but it is mind-boggling. I continue to teach my cardio kickboxing classes [which has been immensely helpful in keeping me active], but my other workouts have suffered greatly. LiveFit, Bodyrock, and even lap swimming have taken a back seat to getting an extra hour of sleep lately. As far as weight goes, I’ve actually lost about 3 pounds since conception [although I gained a few pounds beforehand], which I’m pretty sure is due to the crazy waves of nausea. And sadly, I’m pretty sure that weight has all been muscle loss. Overall, physically, I feel fluffy already. My waist is thickening and my face is puffy.
Social – Overall, everyone’s been very supportive and excited for us to be pregnant. The one thing I have been having a difficult time with, though, are all the weight comments. The issue is a sensitive one for me personally – becoming pregnant after so many years of working on weight loss changes everything – and I know that I’m not a twig to begin with, but does everyone really think I’m going to completely let myself go during these nine months? Currently, I’m not answering phone calls from my dad because – after I told him I was expecting – he literally said, Don’t get too big while you’re pregnant because you can’t expect Ben to stick around once you’re fat. Um, thanks Dad. As if I don’t have enough anxiety about pregnancy weight as it is.
I’m trying to focus on my mantra: I am healthy. I may not have started at 115 pounds or a size 0, but my body is strong and fit, does everything I ask of it, and I eat incredibly healthily. I have a feeling I’m going to be thanking these hips once baby is here, so I’m trying my best to embrace them rather than doubting my body right now. I get the feeling I’m really going to have to get good at letting things go and focusing on listening to my intuition [rather than others] during the next few months…
Ben continues to amaze me with his love and support. Things around the house have been more chaotic [read: messy] for the past few weeks because we’ve been traveling, I’ve lost all motivation, and the hubby works 10+ hour days, but Ben has been doing extra cooking and cleaning to make up for my slacking. He tells me I’m beautiful every single day [which I’ve been especially grateful for lately because I feel like a puffy slob] and continually checks to make sure I’m honoring my body. I truly couldn’t have chosen a better partner to go on this journey with than Ben.
Part of the strangeness of the first trimester for me is that I haven’t been able to eat leftovers. I’ll crave something [say, an enchilada bake], eat a serving, and then never want to see it ever again. When I see it the next morning I have a silly fit: Why are there leftovers in the fridge? Eww eww eww, I can’t even look at it! Can’t we hide it under the bread or something?.
Needless to say, Ben’s been eating lots of leftovers. But he says he loves it, so we’ll call it a win-win.
Alright, that may have been the longest update ever given – and there’s still so much to say! Every day is a whole new experience and I can’t wait to see what tomorrow brings!
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